‘Ours,’ a book of toxic love, by Kelly Marshall Fuller
August 25, 2011 in Kelly's Corner
Chapter One
Cissy DuPre squinted into the bright sunlight and put her foot on the gas of her Cadillac.She had just suffered through another fight with Woodrow over the “b” word as he put it.Cissy felt tears roll down her face as she thought about her baby, Benjamin.The child wasn’t in any danger of getting hurt during their fights.It wasn’t like he really existed, or even had a hope of existing if Woodrow had anything to do with it.Cissy’s talk as if they already had a little boy had driven Woodrow over the edge. “You stop talking crazy, woman,” Woodrow had yelled at her. “We don’t have children for a reason. Look at the way you dress and act. It’s your fault. If you wouldn’t spend so much money and start acting like everyone else, you could be a Mama. You so high and mighty. No wonder God hasn’t blessed you with a child.”Cissy sometimes wandered into the stores in downtown Georgetown, looking at infant clothing.The curious stares of the clerks and other employees didn’t bother her.She knew what they were thinking: “Cissy has gone crazy again.”She would sometimes light up a cigarette and blow smoke in their faces, just to get them to go away. It didn’t matter what the whole town thought, since it was Woodrow’s fault they couldn’t have a real child.Cissy was perfectly fine, but Woodrow couldn’t produce a baby even if he wanted to.He was sterile as a cut hog, but he had warned her constantly not to tell that to anyone.He was afraid he would be laughed out of town at the thought of not carrying on the family bloodline for another generation.She was so ashamed of Woodrow. She wasn’t going to share the whole details of her life with the church choir, her women’s social group or even her mother and father.”We’re still trying, yaw’ll,” she said to her family, as they ate dinner after church. She didn’t tell them about her pretend baby. It would have just worried her mother even more.Her mother nodded and gave Cissy her an extra helping of green beans.”Maybe you’re just too skinny, Cissy,” she said, looking into her daughter’s face.”Oh Mama, getting fat isn’t going to solve my problems,” she said. “It would just make things worse.”Cissy couldn’t imagine what Woodrow would say if she was fat and childless.Why, he might just throw her away. It didn’t matter he was sterile. In his peabrained little mind, it was all her fault they couldn’t have children. He could always trade her in for another, newer Cadillac, as he was always threatening to do. Cissy gave the same explanation about the lack of a baby as she got her hair fixed on Fridays or pretended to enjoy the lessons in Sunday School. She found it hard to pay attention in church, with so much on her mind. “Even Mary had a baby,” Cissy thought bitterly. “And she wasn’t even trying.”Suddenly, something running in front of her chrome bumper caused Cissy to slam on brakes. A little boy was running away, down the middle of the road. His chubby legs were pumping as fast as they could. He had tears running down his face and he was swerving back and forth, like he was going to fall down.”Why, it’s Benjamin,” Cissy thought. “He was here all along, just waiting for me.”She opened the door and called softly to the child, who had fuzzy black hair and big brown eyes.”Benny, come to Mama,” she said.Javar stopped and looked at the white woman in the big car.It wasn’t his Mama, and that wasn’t his name, but he was tired and hot. He was only three years old, and he had been running for a long time. He held out his hand to Cissy, and climbed into the big front seat.”We’re going home now, son,” Cissy said.
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